From Russia, With Love
by blacktag189
Summary: The letters had become so regular they were hardly sensational anymore, they'd just become part of my life. I had history homework to turn in and my Strigoi ex-boyfriend had sent me another postcard from the edge.
1. Part 1

A/N: I read the entire Vampire Academy series in 16 days - while working a full-time job and raising two children and a husband. LOL. That's just how good it is. #priorities

But hands DOWN the best part of this series (to me) was psychotic Strigoi Dimitri taunting Rose. Which is where this comes from. This is for my "Friend" who managed to finally convince me to read these books and love the OTP to end all OTP's as much as she did. :)

* * *

Today was a bad day. To be fair I lived in such a fog that it was hard to tell what good felt like anymore. But today was most decidedly bad. Dimitri had sent me jewelry.

His weekly 'love letters' had become pretty easy to ignore after the seventh week. The initial shock of the stake delivery had worn off as my life had continued to happen around me in the aftermath of Russia. I was still stuck back there, in that room or on that bridge. This was only compounded by his neatly handwritten notes delivered to me every week. They had become so regular they were hardly sensational anymore, they'd just become part of my life. I had history homework to turn in and my Strigoi ex-boyfriend had sent me another postcard from the edge.

They'd devolved so quickly into that maniacal super villain monologue speak that I hardly glanced at them a second time. Though I'm sure he meant them to intimidate me by proving he was on the move. I would have considered them endearing if they didn't always end in my death.

 _I haven't been to Prague since I was in school. I forgot about the beauty of the architecture here. The red of the rococo motifs reminds me exactly of the color your heart would look like as I ripped it from your chest._

 _The bridges in Paris are so much more enticing to behold than the one you failed to kill me on in Russia. Though I doubt a drop from one of these would snap your neck. You'd most likely drown first._

 _I flew over Montana today on my way to the west and thought of you. The shape of the mountains mimics that of your beautiful spine. I'd imagine I could break the slate and sediment of the Rockies just as easily as each of your vertebrae._

Predator. Prey. Predator. Prey.

He'd been lulling me into complacency. He'd lured me into thinking I was safe. That he was just bravado and egomania now. He'd trapped me in the illusion of a refractory period. Predator. So he could unleash this letter today on me. Prey.

 _My Roza,_

 _Before I was awakened I was painfully aware of how mediocre a life I could have given you. A love such as yours deserves everything this world could offer. I had been prepared to make myself worthy of this task. After our time together I was resolved to unlock some mystery of the universe to allow this for you._

 _It pains me now to know I've found this answer and yet you refused my offer. The things I could have given you. The life we could have shared together. Forever._

 _This trinket could never compare to you my Roza. But I hope you will wear it and think of me. As I shall think of how the blood would spill across the diamonds when I drain your body and claim your life. Our time will come soon and I relish this wait to rejoin you._

 _Love,_

 _Dimitri_

It was always the long ones that got to me. Give me a rambling recounting of your killing spree in Milan any day over this. It was too close to what _my_ Dimitri would have said. And he knew it. He could still get to me, even if he couldn't touch me. Predator. Prey.

I quickly folded the letter back up as Lissa shifted next to me. She'd skimmed the letter, it was all she could really stomach anymore, but her eyes were still transfixed on the necklace. I could hardly blame her - it was absolutely ridiculous.

"Rose! This is insane. These are Burmese rubies and yellow diamonds! How could he get something like this?" She turned to look at me but I just continued to glare at the necklace. I'd tossed it at the desk like it was white hot when it'd slid out of the envelope with the letter. I shrugged,

"He's probably the Czar of Strigoi Russia at this point."

"Are you kidding?" Her voice ticked up a little with alarm.

I gave her a look. Her eyes widened a bit before she blinked back down at it running her fingers over all the rubies and diamonds. She was quiet for a long moment, calculating just how much this could have possibly cost. Or if, perhaps, he'd stolen something historically relevant and sent it to me. As the silence grew between us she looked at my profile before the blast of concern came through the bond. She was worried, she wanted to know why jewelry would upset me so much - other than the reason it was coming from my psychotic undead ex-boyfriend. She wasn't going to let it go either, her curiosity was too strong about it.

"He used to bring me jewelry." I exhaled. "In Russia."

Her surprised intake of breath spoke more than the scattered feelings of shock and disgust. They were quickly replaced with fear.

"Rose, we have to tell someone."

"No." I shoved the letter into my desk drawer and handed her the necklace. Almost dropping it to the ground in my haste to get rid of it. Touching it, even for those few moments made a swell of that volatile mix inside me push against the containment walls I'd built to fool everyone. They thought I was fine. They thought I'd moved on. I intended to keep it that way. Only Lissa had an inclination as to how _not_ fine I still was.

"We can't keep this a secret." She reached out and grabbed my arm. "Look at your hands - they're shaking. Rose, please."

I clenched them into fists. Took a settling breath and then met her eyes, collected,

"That's what he wants. He's trying to get to me. I can't let him. If I tell someone it's…"

"Weakness." She finished for me squeezing my arm in reassurance. She slid the necklace through her fingers, trying to tell if it was charmed in any way. It wasn't. Of course it wouldn't be, otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to touch it.

"Just," I paused and looked at the jewels shimming in the low lights of my room, "get it away from me. I don't care what you do with it. Throw it away."

"Okay," She quietly said and tried to hide it in her hands. A dark laugh bubbled up through all the tension in my chest and I suppressed it. This necklace probably cost more than what I'd make in my entire life. He would have known that too. Sensing my mood shift she shoved it into the pocket of her jacket and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you." I gave her a blank smile. She frowned. She could tell I was holding back from her, that maybe I hadn't told her the whole story. A twist of dark spirit spurred her to think of what that could mean, what he could have done to me. Horrible things. Unforgivable things. She tried to push the thoughts out and I exhaled with relief. He had done horrible things to me - but at least he hadn't done...that. She didn't know if she could ask, and she rationalized she probably shouldn't if I hadn't been willing to share. She was right. I wasn't.

"I'm here for you." She finally resolved. Strength. That's what she needed to give me. She needed to be strong for me, to lend it to me as I continued to recover. "No matter what. You know that, right?"

"I do." I pulled her into a hug.


	2. Part 2

_My Darling Rose,_

 _I thought of your daring escape from me today. How exquisite you looked fighting off Galina. The smell of your fear rising from the hedge maze to me like a flower. How magnificently you struggled to stop me in the forest. They wrap around me like a dream, if I could dream._

 _I remembered our time together as well. Your endless stalling questions that I should have recognized earlier. The tears on your face as you stabbed that crafty wooden stake into my heart. The pride I felt at how skillful you'd become under my tutorage. Your devotion to me, even as you were attempting to jump out the window. They fill me with longing. Always mixing with the look I know will fill your eyes as you realize I'm about to strangle the last of your life from you._

 _My Roza, I'll make it clean. There is no point in bloodying something so perfect. It will haunt me for the rest of my eternity, but there can only be one of us. Your name is whispered like a legend now, a ghost story. This can not stand while I am in charge. Both back in Russia and here in America. I watch you and remember._

 _Love Always,_

 _Dimitri_

Lissa's nausea overwhelmed me to the point that I actually gagged. She could picture it so perfectly in her mind it was jarring. His huge, looming body, hands wrapped around my neck as my feet struggled to kick him off and slowly stopped. It was too intense to watch myself be strangled to death. I pushed her out of my brain as forcefully as I could and clenched the letter in my hand. For reasons I still wasn't quite sure of I'd been keeping all of the letters pristinely stacked in my desk drawer. This one apparently wasn't going to match the others. I suppose it shouldn't. He was fighting dirty now.

The knock on the door startled us both and Lissa quickly snatched the ball of paper out of my hand and shoved it under the comforter of her bed.

"Adrian," she whispered quickly and I could see through the bond her picking up his aura on the other side of the door. I took a deep breath, trying to push all this back down. We'd kept Adrian in the dark. My orders, not Lissa's. He knew Russia had changed me, he knew it all had to do with Dimitri, he also knew I'd failed to kill him, but he had no specifics. We both wanted to keep it that way. I'd said yes to his proposal and we were both ready to put Dimitri behind us. Most days.

"Little dhampir," he smiled at me as he entered. It was full and genuine and as he left a small kiss on my cheek I felt all the darkness around me start to evaporate. He noticed it too, his eyes fluttering around the very top of my head, reading my aura. He ran a hand over the crown of my hair, "much better."

He was right. I was much better when he was around. He was kind, and funny and his genuine affection for me was infectious. Didn't hurt he was ridiculously attractive either. With his unwavering attention toward me and breezy attitude about all the madness we called our lives right now he'd slowly drug me out of my post-Russia fog. This was always coupled with moments where he'd double down with such intense, sincere emotion for me that I was sure he was actually healing me. I'd started smiling again, I'd started laughing with my friends, pulled myself out of the isolation I was sure I'd spend the rest of my days in. He'd made me feel normal again. Most days.

But no matter how many long nights I'd spent in his room. No matter all the mock injury he'd show at my slowly returning barbs. He was always there, prowling at the back of my mind. _Dimitri. Dimitri. Dimitri_. I could even feel him now, trying to pull me back under into his darkness, despite Adrian's arm around my waist.

"You seemed a little down, I have a surprise for you." He said, face lighting up with mischief. My heart shuddered in my chest. I was a horrible person. I imagined a huge, red, brick wall, slamming up into the dark corner of my brain, trapping Dimitri back to where he belonged. Satisfied he'd be stuck there for awhile I relaxed into Adrian's side.

"Does it involve driving?" I smiled and looked up at him with hope.

"No." He laughed.

"Damn."

He continued laughing as his fingers slid through the ends of my hair before he rested his hand on the small of my back. I turned slightly in his hold so I could face him and then leaned my forehead onto his chest. His arms slid around to pull me closer and I felt everything in me relax against him. Grateful for this small reprieve, hungry for him to keep erasing all this darkness from me. Maybe if he was constantly touching me I could finally move on. Oblivious to my inner turmoil he said to Lissa,

"Sorry cousin but you aren't invited."

She gave him a grin and shrugged.

"I have enough to do right now anyway."

Adrian tugged at the back of my damp tank top and took a step away from me.

"Change out of all this mess and meet me in my room."

I looked down at my clothes in mock indignation. They were sweaty and dusty and I was pretty sure there was a small spot of blood on the bottom corner of the tank top. Eddie's busted lip had sprayed on me not even an hour ago during our sparring session.

"Quickly please," he gave me another once-over before spinning on his heel and leaving us alone in the room again. I laughed to myself a little and shrugged. He had a point. Though I doubted any kind of dhampir boyfriend would have minded. I cringed, feeling him push against the brick wall in my brain. I clenched my jaw to stop it and Lissa's worry burned through the bond. I took a breath to compose myself as she slid her hand under the comforter and handed me back my crumpled letter.

"Maybe we should just start burning these before you even read them. Why do you keep torturing yourself?"

 _Because I still love him. Because I'll always love him. Because he's the best parts of me. Because I could save him. I could bring him back to me._

These thoughts consumed me. Daily. But I never voiced them aloud. They just felt far too dangerous. Traitorous actually - as Adrian's smile mixed with them in my brain. But I knew the reason I couldn't stop reading these letters, it fed the beast inside me. They fueled the endless black hole he'd left behind when he'd failed me and then broken me. I couldn't help but wonder if I kept hoarding all these letters, all these adulterous thoughts, that maybe I could morph them into red bricks of constraint. Perhaps if I owned them, rather than letting them own me, I could slowly build my way out of this nightmare.

I shoved the letter into my pocket more forcefully than I'd wanted to, jamming my finger in the process.

"I can't let him win Lissa. I can't."

"Okay Rose," she replied in a sad tone but left it at that.


	3. Part 3

The letter dropped from my hands, gently gliding down to my desk in four, graceful swoops. The moment it landed I fumbled toward my door, locking it with numb hands and then sat on my bed trying to breathe. I couldn't get enough air in. Each pull into my chest could not combat the swirling darkness threatening to overtake me. I could still see every single word. They would now forever be burned into my brain. The neat, black, familiar scrawl of his hand sliding over my vision like a screen. It obscured everything else in this room.

 _Rose,_

 _I craved your blood today. The feel of your neck and the sound you'd make every time I'd drink from you. How your desire would spike the blood and mix with the heady smell of you. My hands remember the curves of your body and how ready you were for me._

 _How easy it would have been to take you, own you in ways I'd burned to know before my awakening. To further my knowledge of every inch of you. Mold your basest, purest need to perfectly match only my own. To let us both be lost in the blood and lust and high this life gives me._

 _I see you even now on this bed. I see my hands sliding up your thighs, pulling at your dress. I can almost feel the desperate urgency of your kisses and hands like a sense memory. It drives me to the edge of madness._

 _If only I'd given you what you'd begged me for. If only I'd succumbed to this passion that remains between us. Perhaps it could have convinced you after all. Blood is the only way to slick this lust that burns inside me._

 _And soon, soon, my Roza, it will be yours._

 _Love,_

 _Dimitri_

In my panic, I quickly scanned for Lissa to make sure she wasn't coming to check on me. She'd known I'd gotten another letter today. It had made her frown at breakfast, she'd offered to hold onto it for me but I'd declined again. No point, I'd argued, we were both sure it was just his usual death and destruction update. Punctuated with the new inventive way he was going to kill me. I didn't want to stress her out more than she already was. She was swamped with her finals and dealing with a petulant Christian. Luckily, she was holed up in the library putting some final touches on a paper.

I let out what little breath I'd managed to get in with relief. I'd have time to bury my reaction to this one. I honestly thought, for a fleeting moment, of burning it - like she'd offered to do for me so many weeks ago. There was only one person in this entire world that knew everything that had happened between us. Dimitri. And I intended to keep it that way. Even though Lissa believed she was understanding and compassionate, even though the two of us had a history that could possibly make her sympathetic toward my shame - she would not be able to accept this. What I had done, what he'd done to me - it was the biggest taboo of all. I would never live that down.

But more than that, worse than that...I thought about it too. I thought about it all the time. I brought my shaking hands to my neck and pressed them against my thready pulse. Whenever I'd adjust the chain on my necklace I'd have a flash of his lips on my throat. The few times I'd let Adrian charm me into an alcoholic beverage the flush of the alcohol had sent me right back to that unimaginable high. I dreamed about it. I dreamed about how my hands had hastily pulled at the buttons on his shirt, how my hips had sought to find the counter-pressure of his body, the soft, warm feel of his lips against mine. The dreams seemed to last for days, just like all his kisses had. And I'd always wake up disgusted, fighting back vomit and flushed with sweat.

It wasn't fair. With frustration, the tears filled my eyes so quickly I couldn't stop them. They streamed down my face as my misery mixed with my panic putting me right at the edge of hyperventilation. How could he do this to me? Simultaneously turn me on, shame me and shatter my heart all over again.

 _Because he's evil Rose._ The voice in my head whispered. _He's not_ your _Dimitri anymore._

That was the crux of the problem, wasn't it? Despite remembering exactly how painful his fangs sinking into my skin had been, or even the shocking memory of my neck covered in bites and bruises I kept confusing this with _my_ Dimitri. I kept wishing those moments before the bite was really him, really us. I'd relished all the intimacy I'd thought had been stolen from us in that prison room. I'd been too high to realize he was a monster then. And I still couldn't bring myself to do it now. Because I would always love him.

 _That's what I was supposed to say…_

I pressed my hands onto my wet face and let myself cry, sob, struggle to breathe and mourn him again. And again. And again. It wasn't fair. But nothing ever was. Besides, that had never stopped me. I forced a painful breath into my chest and wiped at my face. Now that I'd let some of this darkness out maybe I could concentrate again. I glanced at the letter on my desk, feeling a grim line of determination stretch across my lips.

He wasn't playing fair because he'd run out of parlor game tricks to pull on me. This had gone on for too long. His patience was running out. The letters had been increasing in volume in the last couple of weeks and all the threats were edged with a tinge of annoyance now. He'd bided his time admirably, to be sure, but we were at the end of this. My graduation was in two weeks. I'd have to leave soon. And he knew that. But what he didn't know was that I was just as sick of this game as he was. Stooping to this level, taunting me with this threat, was his final card. He was out of options. But I still had one more left to play.


	4. Part 4

I stood at the edge of the boundary and squinted into the high afternoon sun. Stifling a yawn I shifted on my feet and continued to wait. Despite being back on a Moroi schedule it was still decidedly weird for high noon to be considered dead of night. But this oddity would serve me well in this task. I really shouldn't be doing this. But nothing about this place held any kind of authority over me anymore. Dimitri had said it himself in his final letter before my test.

I'd snuck out of my dorm effortlessly to do this, I'd barely had to try in class - other than math. Nothing could compare to what I'd survived in Russia. Nothing could compete with what I'd learned on my vigilante spree. No one left here would ever be as skilled as he was...is. Because he was still everything to me. And we both knew that. I would forever be trapped in this sick dance with him, this undulating swoon between lust and hate, sacrifice and devotion, love and loss. The only way to end it was to end him. It had to be me. Us. Until the end. At least we could agree on that. I wondered if that meant I was just as sick and twisted as he was.

I gripped the book in my hand again and then crossed my arms over my chest. Seriously? Dimitri's human spies were getting awfully sloppy.

"Hello?!" I called out toward the woods. Again I was grateful everyone was still asleep back on campus. No one needed to see me screaming out into the trees like a crazy person. I already had enough black marks against me. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if no one was there. Could it be possible that he had been lying the entire fifteen weeks he'd tortured me with those letters? Could all my instincts about being watched have been in my head?

The brush rattled and a head started moving toward me. Nope. Just as I thought. He couldn't stay away from me. Nor I him. The human slowly struggled through the tall grass, swiping at his sweaty forehead as he trudged along. I held up my wrist tapping at an invisible watch irritatedly and yelled out,

"I haven't got all night you know!"

I looked back down at the paperback. When everyone had been packing up their belongings before we took off to court tomorrow I'd remembered a missing pair of gloves I'd left in the training room. Digging through all the boxes of discarded items to find them had only landed me with this - a copy of _Lonesome Dove_. Once I'd regained my breath from the initial gut punch of seeing it I'd snatched it out of the box forgetting all about my search.

I hadn't told Lissa about this. She was far too worried about leaving for court and honestly I'd stopped sharing with her the last few letters I'd received from Dimitri. I'd taken all of them, about thirty total, tossed them into a trashcan and set it on fire in my room. Luckily it hadn't set off the smoke alarm, though it probably should have, and I'd glared at the ashes for a very long time. He'd meant for those letters to break me, to slowly pick away at me until I snapped. He'd wanted me to have an irrational reaction to them, to act on impulse rather than reason - but I hadn't. His power driven mind had miscalculated one thing - I wasn't the same person anymore. Everyone who cared about me, worried about me, loved me had seen that. None of those emotions existed inside him anymore, so why would he have noticed them now? To him, I was still that heartbroken girl that had searched all of Russia for him. I was still the girl that couldn't bear to kill him. He was wrong.

So I had taken the book and written a little love letter back to him. My parting gift. My warning shot. We both knew I was leaving in only a few hours and now we'd be on a level playing field again. I was up for the task. The human, short with a mop of brown hair, was finally a few feet in front of me. I threw the book across the ward,

"Take it to him."

I caught a glimpse of my dedication as it fluttered through the air. The guy, roughly my age, reached out and snagged it from my toss. Without another glance, he turned and left and I thought about what I'd written again. I swore I could already hear him laughing, and then scrambling his army to hunt me down.

 _Comrade,_

 _I hope they have dusters in hell. See you soon!_

 _Kisses,_

 _Rose_


End file.
